Friday, September 12, 2008

How To Tell A Woman....

Someone I knew was fuming over an acquaintance who passed some unsavoury remarks about her appearance... She has a point.

Guys; listen to this oldman. I have seen the Berlin wall going up and then came tumbling down. That means I have seen enough women to understand one thing. Don't get nasty with them as they are sensitive If you guys have to expostulate women's appearance, beware... don't even think of excoriating if you don't have the required skill.

We (men) must know how to play around with words. It means being diplomatic, courteous, polite, sarcastic and filmsily cunning . All at once. Isn't that what we are; slyful and adventurous animal with "noble intentions". (ka..ka.. opps my false teeth just fell out)

Lets look at the problem.. how do we tell women things that are need to be told.. There are rules and ways. Let me give you some examples.

NO:1 Anatomy never been easy. It can be sticky. For instance if you find a woman's boobs is way too large for her (its not her fault thou) don't say " your boobs are too big for you.."

Try saying: "You have a generous "heart" with massive space for intriguing beauty paid upfront handsomely.

True Meaning : Gosh... your boobs are are gigantic that I can even take shelter when it rains.

NO:2 When a woman puts up atrocious make up and looks like a scaredevil ( scarecrow is to chase crows, so you know what is a scaredevil)

Try saying : "You look mysteriously exotic" (In most restaurants .. all the terrible tasting things are known as "exotic")

True Meaning : "God almighty, did you ran away from a Chinese Opera with half make up on..."

NO:3 When a woman scandalously misdress and appears like a crossbreed between ostrich and a horny porcupine...

Try saying : look out of this world..

Real meaning : Good Lord..what happened to you.. you look like just been raped by aliens..

NO :4. Commenting on wrinkles is big but if you can't control your urge to comment..

Try saying : "those handful of wisdom curves, make you look even more sophisticated"

Real Meaning : You have more lines on your face compared to your palms. So much so.. you look like a computer chip board.

NO:5. Body odour is an unpleasant issue. Never ever offend a woman on this matter.

Try saying : "They say not even the best perfume can capture the powerfully stimulating, true smell of a woman. Yours is the most mindboggling I have come across"

True Meaning : "You skunk or what"

Remember what Lord Dewar said, "minds are like parachute, they only function when open,," So up your mind and have more communicative skills. Good Luck


shaka said...

grand pa, this is one of the best you ever wrote...ha..ha...

steven said...

i just open your blog in my office and told my colleagues about your latest entry..well expect a lot of comments after this.. you are really funny dude

kamelia said...

haloo..ajar jadi jahat ye..kelakar lah ah pek ni

barrick said...

you dirty old grandpa.. I like it

gloria said...

nice to see you writing something else besides politics. i really enjoy reading this.

yuzmin said...

you must have done this cruel thing many times old man. You sound good. Its funny actually

yihwen said...

sir i know you are funny. but i didnt know you are slyly funny.. a good one sir...

Anonymous said...

sir, i was at the English seminar in Bangi,where you conducted a hilarious session.Someone told me that you blog as i just drop by. Its funny. When i first saw you, I thought "ini ke orang nya.. macam orang estet aje". I learned something that day. Never ever judge a person from his looks...And among the crowd i met some of your other students.. and they say you are the best when it comes to teaching english.I paid for an english communicative class but went home humbled by so many things you said.The jokes were great. especially the grandpa and bell joke was the best and even now i will break into laughter when i think of it.

NeW OdD ReFresHing AppeaLing NoRa said...

Hey I know what trigger this blog..hehehehe..and yes I agree with your 'fans' it's one of the best you've written so far..

My Favourite Blogs

  • Malaysia Today
  • zorro-unmasked
  • Rocky's Bru
  • Haris Ibrahim - People's Parliament
  • Anwar Ibrahim
  • Elizabeth Wong
  • Screenshot
  • Nuraina A. Samad - 3540 Jalan Sudin
  • Susan Loone
  • Wattahack
  • Marina Mahathir - Rantings by MM